Crime TS Style

Crime TS Style

Stupidest Criminal Showdown...

On the ABC affiliate in Dallas, Channel 8, the ten o'clock news had video footage of a man stealing a car from a convenience store while a Police car was parked in front, several store video cameras caught the man in the act. The man driving the small truck he got out of to steal the car also purchased gas using a credit card. The entire crime from commission to capture lasted 30 seconds.

Not good enough for you? Okay...

Take your pick: of the two cops in Shreveport, LA who were robbing ATMs and doing home invasions, or the guy in Albuquerque, NM, who drove his stolen pickup to the police station to pick up his wife, parked in the handicapped parking space illegally and had a rock of crack cocaine in the truck as well. Maybe she had to walk home.

Nobody could possibly make this stuff up.

Thoughts from our favorite private cop

Tony and I have other ties that most would not understand. Tony walked point in Viet Nam, I was an Armored Recon Specialist in the Nasty Guard and worked the HUD Projects in 1995. Very similar activities, just different names.

There is a kinship that those of us who have walked in the valley of the shadow of death share that does not easily translate to those who have not.

That is what I attribute my ability to scare the piss out of people who want to frighten me to. And now you know why the guy that told me he had a gun in his pocket wet his pants when I told him to go for it. He didn't "go for it" and I haven't seen him since.

My specialty is street punks. Some of my favorite things to do are make babies laugh and street punks wet their pants. I enjoy life.

Speaking of day brighteners, the company I work for has sent me to work the parking lot of an inner city recreation center.

Too bad the hard faced young un's that glare at me like I have leprosy have no idea just how funny I think that is, probably give them stomach ulcers. But even funnier than that are the ones that see me, make a bootlegger turn and exit the lot, now THAT is a hoot! I don't even get see who they are they leave so quickly.

Protecting clients from their own stupidity!

I was sent to a WalMart in far North Fort Worth to work from 6 P.M. to 6 A.M. on election day. The usual procedure is that the guard reports to the Cash Office to get his Golf Cart key and manual which contains the paperwork for the post, and a radio so contact can be maintained with WalMart Managers.

Nobody would admit that they had any idea what I was talking about.

A WalMart employee told me that the Golf Cart was not working and had not worked for about two weeks. So I patrolled in my car and kept my report on a legal pad I had in the car, just in case there questions later.

During a break in the rain just before time for me to leave, I decided to check the fuel tank of the Golf Cart. Its being empty may have had something to do with its not working. Still no explanation for the missing paperwork and key as yet.

I called our office and explained all the above to my boss. He said that this was the first he had heard of this. I said,"I know, that's why I called to let you know".

How could I do anything else when this is so much fun?

Too good not to share:

A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.

The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a law enforcement officer in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't it obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the officer."

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."

The Officer says, "Have a nice day."

Moral of the Story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.